As I look ahead to this, I also have a list of projects I want to complete:

• Various wedding projects (just 14 weeks away!):
  • 2 flower girl dresses and baskets and hairbands/ribbons
  • table numbers and place-cards
  • invitations and programs (mostly kits)
• Painting projects:
  • 1940′s maple dresser, soon to be distressed white; for craft supplies
  • bookshelf; adding fabric for shelf backing
  • old oak straight sidechair from Goodwill
  • other wooden side tables/chair finds from Goodwill, etc. for son’s post-college apartment
• Other downstairs living room decor to make it a better place to hang out

Okay…lots of other stuff I can’t remember right now.  I need to get started sewing! Here is what I have so far for 2 adorable flower girls…looks like cotton candy!

Instead, I found a recipe online and mixed paint with unsanded grout and proceeded to update an old tired golden oak armoir, turning it into a much more interesting storage unit for our basement family room.  Much more to come!  Actually, I also painted a table, a bee pot, and 2 lamps

Much better, don’t you think?
Click to view slideshow.

Little Alex, ice skating with me

…suddenly grew into a young man?

Alex, 18; one senior picture of many! (photog = his brother)

And what a spectacle! If you’ve never seen this event, you should. Remember, I worked for BOA for a season a few years ago AND I’ve been a “band mom” for 10+ years, so this was no surprise to me, but still a rare look into another world of high-level performance and skill. Band directors, band booster presidents, band parents…and the actual corps of band members all form a unique culture with its own hierarchies. Even the bus drivers (we had 5 buses) have their own pecking order! As travel consultant (okay “escort” is my real title), I merely take a backseat and ensure everything that relates to food and travel is in order. The rest of the decisions and chaperoning are on them…

These kids and the adults who support and teach them should all be commended. They work extremely hard with great focus;  we were all at breakfast by 6 a.m. and weren’t back to our hotel rooms until midnight or later for 3 consecutive nights! That is tiring, for sure, since these kids are playing intricate music, marching complicated routines, and performing with great focus for most of the day in rehearsals and performances. They really had NO “play time” more than 15 minutes here and there!

Performance-wise, the band did great. It was only their second time to this event, driving 16 hours just to get here (as opposed to some of their competition who clearly have the “home court advantage” of being able to go home and take a nap between rehearsals, etc.). As the final note resounded in Lucas Oil Stadium, Wando HS came away with 12th place out of 92 bands…..a very respectable finish! I know they were disappointed, but with the Broadway-type productions that you see at this level, they did just fine with their touching show about Icarus and his father Daedalus who warned him not to fly too close to the sun. I look forward to seeing the next show they dream up!  Meanwhile, here are a few observations:

• 4 all-out panic attacks, 3 stress-induced asthma attacks, 1 sprained ankle, and a few barfers;  thankfully they travel with a pediatrician + 2 nurses(parents).
• When 5 buses pull into a Golden Corral or rest stop, people RUN in terror!
• Teenaged boys demand bacon for breakfast.
• The hotel Starbucks pushed out more than 140 custom drinks each morning to our band.
• South Carolina kids were very excited to see a dusting of snow in Indy upon arrival.
• Marching band kids are generally a very mannerly and intelligent group of teenagers;  they were ‘high-fiving’ their competitors and wishing them luck prior to their own final performance!

Where words fail, music speaks.
–Hans Christian Andersen

A Clean Kitchen!

I point to this in the context of taking family members (or anyone else, for that matter) into your home.  When you do this, you have to think of every way that it will affect you…and them.  As you know, my in-laws have been living with us for the past 10 months now.  Here’s what sharing has meant to us:

• They’ve pretty much turned their car over (“shared”) to our son, who gets to drive it to his senior year of h.s.;  they no longer drive, but handing over the keys is always traumatic.
• We share the laundry room.  Doesn’t always work well….usually its fine, thanks to designated days…but I can no longer leave clothes in the washer or dryer “until I get to them”.
• We share the kitchen.  (Do you have any idea how much emotion was just packed into that sentence?) Women don’t share kitchens very well.  Do men share their work benches with other men?  Do artists share their paints with other artists? Do teenage girls share their makeup drawer with other teenage girls?  Very personal…..enough said.
• We share space.  That means often small spaces shared by large people, walkers, an occasional cane, 6 pets, etc.  and sometimes differing views on housekeeping and even decor.
•  And air…we share different smells, different temperatures…adjustments constantly are being made on both sides….we are “giving away a part” of even the air.

There are many things you should be prepared for when you move in with family members, or have them move in with you.  Sharing is a very big part of it!  Sometimes I revert back to my 2-year old self and feel “I don’t want to share any more!”.  That’s when its time for a nice walk or a movie

We made a good decision a few months ago, to have an assessment done by a local home health care agency.  They charged nothing for the assessment, and came back to us armed with information on services they could offer, as well as Medicare, etc. options for payment.

As conditions change (which we’ve found they DO change WEEKLY!), the agency has made new recommendations, filed all the paperwork, and even been in touch with the Veterans Administration to iron out benefits.

New changes this week include a hospital bed, which allows FIL to safely get up during the night…and he actually gets up LESS now, so the bed must be more comfortable for him.; an unexpected side benefit!

We have added assistance with two 1-hour baths per week for FIL, plus 3 other days of a 6-hour home health aide, who not only bathes him, but assists with meals, straightening, bathroom cleaning (VERY necessary with the elderly!), and other things “as needed”. What a God-send!  MIL is feeling much happier now that the stress of constant care has been lifted and we feel so much better at work each day knowing they are safe and someone is checking in every day while we’re gone.

Each day, each week, each month is new and different.  We just plod on…

My retailer friend is selling her personal collection of Vera Bradley bags…all new without tags!  Click on a pic above and it will take  you the entire gallery….many, many choices of bags here and most are current patterns.
Now discounted again! 2 for $60. and 4 for $100. (ignore pricing shown w/pictures, except wallets and other accessories).

Email me at kmoore at mail.com if you are interested!  Yes, I can ship!

Can't hold off the sunset

Lately I’ve noticed the great similarities between having a child and having an elderly person. Really.  Well, up to a point:

When you’re having a baby, you get all the “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”-type books that walk you through every detail of pregnancy, childbirth and life thereafter.  Your friends shower you with gifts of heretofore unknown products like baby-wipe warmers and specialized dishwasher inserts, etc.  Then for the first few years of parenthood, you find yourself hauling that extra equipment everywhere;  loading a child into the car for a trip to the mall or doctor takes an inordinate amount of planning, time and precision;  strollers are folded and packed in just so, diaper bags loaded with all the necessary meds, foods and other supplies, toys strategically placed for maximum entertainment value, children meticulously strapped in, etc.  When you get to your destination, you do it again backwards, unloading, unfolding, unbuckling, etc.  But you feel a certain confidence, as friends and relatives have coached you and outfitted you with the proper equipment and all is loving and good and for the most part the children involved are willing and pliant (okay, forget that part…).

Now let’s say that instead of having a baby, you’re having an elderly person…or two!  Not many instruction books available…usually no 9-month pregnancy period to get used to the idea and “study up”…and no…NO ELDERLY SHOWER!  Nobody gives you the equipment you need;  in fact, nobody even mentions WHAT equipment you might need!  One day you’re frustrated about a certain problem or issue and you head to the Internet and punch “how to help Dad get into bed” into your search engine and Voila!  You find out that there are bed-rails, designed to assist the elderly with the ins and outs of bedtime and turning over, etc. Amazing!  And so it begins…you’re amassing a hoard of specialized equipment again, that needs to be hauled around every time you work up the bravery to go somewhere.   Once again you’re folding and packing things into the trunk, packing a bag with essential meds and foods and whatevers, strategically loading passengers into the car (made more difficult by the fact that you can’t lift them into the car like you can the kids), etc.  When you arrive at the destination, its all reversed…unloading, putting equipment back together, assisting in movement….*whew!  It takes time and patience, as every trip takes at least twice as long as you’d think.

And here’s the kicker…the certain confidence is not there as it was with the children;  there are no cute little babies for people to ooh and aah over as they give you advise, most people don’t know you’re a caregiver or don’t really understand what that means, and they can’t coach you because they haven’t “been there” yet.

This is not the joyful time….this, for the most part, is the sad sunset of life, when we are seeing loved ones decline and become less capable of doing the things they once could do. Emotion gets in the way, in the form of frustration, sadness, and a sense of helplessness.

Society needs to change this!  I have a feeling that with the “bell curve” of Baby Boomers now starting to care for their elderly parents (who are living longer this generation), we just may start to see more highly-publicized social programs and assistance.

In the meantime, I just keep going back to the Internet and any community assistance programs I can find, soaking up as much information as I can.  Each week brings new nuances…changes, adjustments, needs…we just keep trying to keep up with it all!

My MIL "Grammy, me, my mom

In our lives we have many milestones;  getting your first driver’s license, high school graduation, weddings, birth of babies, etc.   As you reach your twilight years of aging, however, the milestones are not nearly as fun.

You may have to give in to taking multitudes of medicines, give up mobility and start using a cane or even a walker,  give up the car keys, perhaps give in to incontinence.  AND…sometimes you have to admit that you’re not able to go “out” any more and you can be officially declared “home bound”. Turns out that last one is VERY emotionally-wrought, as it truly signifies the end of a lifestyle…

That’s where we are with the in-laws.  We realized that Grampy really wasn’t capable of driving any more (after a few fender-bender incidents/lack of response time and another incident of leaving the car running in the driveway (thank God, not the garage!) for some 9+ hours one afternoon), and really wasn’t mobile enough to make it desirable for him to go shopping or even out to eat very often.

In fact, that’s pretty much what Medicare says when they define “homebound” (from www.medicare.gov):

A doctor must certify that you’re homebound.  To be homebound means the following:

• Leaving your home isn’t recommended because of your condition.

• Your condition keeps you from leaving home without help (such as using a wheelchair or walker, needing special transportation, or getting help from another person).

• Leaving home takes a considerable and taxing effort.

A person may leave home for medical treatment or short, infrequent absences for non-medical reasons, such as attending religious services. You can still get home health care if you attend adult day care, but you would get the home care services in your home.

So our first step upon the realization that he was “homebound” (she is not, tho her lack of driving pretty much keeps her at home as well, much to her chagrin) was to call in a home health care agency.  We found one by searching online (Indianapolis senior services), and requested that they come out and do an assessment for us; what the in-laws might need and what could be provided by Medicare.  Here’s what has quickly transpired since that initial visit:

1. Grampy’s doctor filed the proper paperwork, declaring him “homebound” so Medicare assistance can kick in.
2. He now has a home health aide come to our home 3x per week to bathe him;  this had been a major problem for us as he is a large man and we do NOT have an accessible bathtub/shower;  he had a very difficult time lifting his legs over the edge of the tub and we were very concerned of potential accidents.
3. A physical therapist comes to the house 3x a week for him, as well;  this will continue for approx. 9 weeks, then a reassessment must be done and doctor must determine whether he is still “improving” (“It’s expected that your condition will improve in a reasonable and generally-predictable period of time.” says Medicare).  I.E.  Medicare will NOT pay for this indefinitely.
4. An occupational therapist also comes to the house weekly to assist with arm exercises and help him learn safer ways to do commonplace things like in and out of a chair, etc.
5. We’ve had a visit fr0m a social worker, who has done some research for us on Veterans benefits (He served on a ship during WWII). When Medicare stops, Veterans benefits will often fill in…including dollars for nursing homes!

So, life has changed dramatically AGAIN in the past month.  They (he is) are getting the care they need, some social interaction during the day, as well as someone checking in on them while hubz and I are each 30 minutes away at work. It has relieved a lot of Grammy’s stress, and we feel it is a good thing for all.

Obviously when you add more people to a household, there are going to be issues to solve, especially with multi-generational homes such as ours.  Limited mobility, medication regimens, household chores, sharing of everything…we’ve dealt with it all so far!  And no, it isn’t easy for them…or for us.  In fact, it is a constant in our lives;  what will it be today?

Well, this week it is this:  how do we keep them safe and our home safe?  Much like with small children, we have done the obvious things to safeguard them;  grab bars in the bathroom, limited throw rugs, eliminated most cooking, etc. but unlike with small children, we simply can’t be there ALL the time to watch over them (nor should we….they deserve and are capable of as much independence as possible!).

However…accidents can and do happen.  How do we avoid them?  I don’t think its possible to avoid EVERY accident, as much as we all try.  Elderly people who have limited ability to move WILL fall…burners on the stove and the toaster oven WILL be left on…the car WILL continue to be an issue (it was left running for 9.5 hours this weekend…thank God it was in the driveway, not the garage!)…doors will be left open, etc. etc.  There is a certain amount of absentmindedness, forgetfulness, etc. that is just unavoidable.  This is the frustration we face now….and equally frustrating for them, I know, and embarrassing as well.  We don’t believe they need round-the-clock care…and yet…..?

Apparently this is a very real issue for many families today.  Another family member is caring for a 90-year old who still lives in her 2nd floor apartment, tho is unable to manage stairs.  She is unable to cook and probably is not taking her medications properly, either.  She is checked on twice a day, but what happens in the 12-14 hours in between?!  How can they guarantee her safety? She tried to reheat something for 30 minutes in the microwave recently….luckily it was when someone was there to save her from a fire.  She is resistant to moving or changing her regimen, to the point of paranoia…so that makes it all the more difficult.  Emotions are so strong when you are dealing with family, that it frequently “freezes” you so you are unable to make the logical decisions that you’d clearly make in your job, for instance.  And it always seems there is ONE person in the family who somehow got the job of caretaker…there are often “logical” reasons why the other siblings, etc. aren’t helping, but that doesn’t make the one left with the daily issues to feel any better…the stress load in unbelievable!  I feel sorry for my brother-in-law…he is truly stuck in a very difficult situation….as are my husband and I.

And there are no clear answers….no playbook.  You feel your way each and every day!